Grapje moet kunnen | molsefondclub

22-09-2017

It doesn't always have to be pigeons

A joke every week

Here under pigeon songs

Click on the triangle in front to start

Click on the two dashes in front to stop

Have fun listening

Pigeons xxxxxxxxxxxxx shit on our laundry

Rukoe, cow

Nice video Pigeon fancier guest at Andre Van Duin

Jokes

The story of doctor Jan ... Doctor Jan had sex with one of his patients and he had been feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget it, he just didn't forget. His guilt was just too great. But, every now and then he heard a little voice in his head trying to get rid of those guilt feelings: "John, don't worry! You're not the first doctor to have sex with his patients, and you won't be the last. are single too! Let it go! " But then he always heard that second voice that kicked him back into reality: "Jan ...... you are a vet ......."

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A Belgian and a Dutchman were floating in a boat. They arrived on an island where they were surprised by headhunters. The chief said: Get into the pan! The Belgian asked: is there nothing we can do to avoid ending up in the pot? The chief said: you must find 100 copies of a fruit. That worked with both, and then the chief said: If you get all 100 in your hole, you are free. The Belgian succeeded effortlessly, because he had 100 berries, but the Dutchman failed completely, and do you know why? He had 100 coconuts

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The elephant asks the camel: Why are your breasts on your back?

The camel answers:

I think that's a stupid question from someone with a dick on his face!

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A director tells his secretary, "Your brain is in your vagina

The secretary is going home.

the next day she calls her boss: "Yes, sorry mister director I cannot come to work today because I have a brain haemorrhage."

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A woman wants to do it with a man with a big dick. Her friend says look at the feet and when he has big feet his dick is big too. The next morning the bell rings. The woman opens the door and in front of her is the postman, she looks down and sees feet at least size 50. She asks the postman in for a cup of coffee and it doesn't take long before she has seduced him. Upstairs in the bedroom they both undress but the postman struggles to open his shirt and says cursing, damn it is always the same at the mail the shoes are 6 sizes too big and the shirts 2 sizes too small

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what is the difference between a baby and a pig?

Answer: a baby poops in a diaper and a pig is lazy in the poo

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A couple arrives at Zaventem after a holiday in the tropics. There they have caught a snake and a skunk that they now want to smuggle into the country. Just before customs, the woman begins to shuffle nervously back and forth. she says to her husband, "What should we do now? If they see those animals, we have to pay a fine." "You know what," says her husband, "I tie the hose around my waist so it looks like a belt, and you put the skunk in your panties." The woman looks at him in alarm and says: "But doesn't that smell really bad?" To which the man says, "Ah, if he die, then he dies."

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After a long night of making love, the boy rolled over on his side. He looked around and saw a framed picture of a young man on a table. Of course the boy started to worry. "Is that your husband?" he asked nervously No silly "she answered and snuggled up against him again. Your friend then?" he asked. No, not at all "she replied, nibbling his ear. Well, who is it then?" asked the now somewhat impatient boy. Relaxed the "girl" replied ... "That was before the operation".

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The Pole Kowalski is a poor bastard. He has no money, he is poorly dressed, unkempt and scrawny. He can't be lucky when suddenly a nicely lined sports car pulls up next to him and an exciting woman turns down the window: "Do you have any plans for today?" "No madam." "Would you like to come with me?" Kowalski's ears honk. "No misunderstandings." he thinks. "I don't have a cent, unfortunately." he says. The woman reassures him. "You don't need any money with me." Well arranged! He gets in. They drive through an expensive residential area. They stop in front of a beautiful house. They go in. In the bedroom, the woman says, "You better undress that way. I'll be right back." Kowalski is not sure whether he is dreaming or actually experiencing it, but the offer actually leaves nothing to the imagination. He undresses and puts things neatly on a chair. Then he hears footsteps. He stands up expectantly. The door opens. There is the pretty woman, left and right she has a boy in the hand and says: "Take a good look at that skinny wardrobe. That's what you will look like if you don't empty your plate of spinach!"

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The medical students have to do spit research. A few of them want to play prank on a college girl and put some sperm under the microscope. She looks surprised, but cannot explain it. She calls the professor. He takes a quick glance through the microscope and then rebukes: "The least I expect from you is to rinse your mouth before coming to lecture."

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A man comes to his doctor and says, "Doctor I recently started working in a herring filleting company and I have such an urge to put my cock in an onion cutter, I can't resist it." Doctor: "I wouldn't do that if I were you, because it could go completely wrong. Come back next week to tell you how it goes." A week later, the man returns to the doctor. Doctor: "And ??" Man: I couldn't resist, doctor, I put you in that onion cutter. Doctor: "And now?" Man: "I got fired ... and that onion cutter too" ..

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The teacher in class says: "Children, since this is the second lesson in German, we now start with the German articles. First we have the masculine" DER ", then the feminine" DIE "and finally the neuter" DAS "" . She turns to Marieke and says: "Marieke, say a little German sentence with DER"? Marieke thinks and thinks and then says "Der zug ist am Bahnhof gekommen". "Excellent Marieke", says the teacher. "Jos, now you, tell me a sentence with the word DIE in it." Jos thinks for a moment and then says: "That Aunt is sick." "Bravo, Jos, you have understood", says teacher appreciative. Johnny comes and says: "Miss, I know a sentence with all three articles in it at the same time!" The teacher looks incredulous and then says: "Oh, yes? I would like to hear that. Tell me, Johnny." Jantje: "Meine Schwester hated a child." "But there is no article in it," says the teacher in amazement. "Ho, ho", says Jantje quickly, "I'm not done yet." And he continues: "DER WHO HATT HATTE, IT IS GOAL !!"

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A stupid blonde steps into an electrical shop and asks: "How much does that TV cost?" The man from the shop says, "Sorry ma'am we don't sell to stupid blondes." Then the dumb blonde dresses her up a bit and asks the gentleman back: "how much does that TV cost?" And the man replies: "We don't sell to stupid blondes! Then she asks a smart black girl to disguise her and asks back to the man," How much does that TV cost? "And the man says again," We don't sell to stupid blondes. "And then the dumb blonde asks the man," How do you always know that I'm a dumb blonde? "The man says," That's not a TV, that's a microwave! "

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A monkey escapes from the zoo in Antwerp and enters a cafe on Astridplein ... The boss is startled but after a while asks the monkey who has sat down at the bar what he wants to drink. 'A beer' he answers. Dumbfounded, the boss taps a beer. "What can that cost?" asks the monkey. The boss thinks 'such a stupid monkey, I'll just keep on calculating' and says 'that's two euros.' The monkey takes a wallet from under his fur and pays 2 euros ... The boss is staring at the monkey from a safe distance and then decides to start a conversation ... He says' you don't see that often. : a monkey at a cafe ... 'The monkey answers:' I would believe it, if you asked two euros for a beer! '

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Two friends decide to go out for a night without their husbands. After a wild evening, heavily under the influence of alcohol, they return home and on the way they have to pee. Coincidentally, they stop in front of a graveyard and do both pee. They do not immediately find something to wipe their party room dry and so one simply takes her panties which she then throws away and the other takes a ribbon from a flower garland that she accidentally finds on a tombstone. The next morning the two husbands call each other. The first says to the second "I think our women had a good time, mine came home without a slip." "Well, that's not so bad," replies the second, "the mine came home with a ribbon up her ass: We will never forget you."

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Three explorers are captured by a wild tribe. The chief says: "He who lasts ten minutes in hut 1 with a 150 kg wild bear and then makes love in hut 2 with the ugliest woman of our tribe, a 150 kg human who stinks like the plague, will be spared. to become!" The German must first but is killed by the bear after three minutes. Then the Dutchman follows, after eight minutes he is killed by the bear. After all, the Belgian must. After ten minutes he comes out of cabin 1 and asks "where is that woman I have to endure for 10 minutes?"

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3 Dutchmen drove through the red light district in Antwerp. While driving they looked at the beautiful ladies in the shop windows. At one point they saw their choice and stopped. They asked what a turn should cost? The lady in question shouted "from before 75" and "from behind 100". Indignant, the passenger sitting in the backseat opened his window and shouted !! "Why do I have to pay more than the 2 in front !!!"

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peter lives with his parrot and one day peter cuts his finger and the parrot says: what a deep cut! what a deep cut !. the day after, peter cuts his finger back and the parrot says: what a deep cut! what a deep cut! peter says: if you say that one more time i will throw you in the toilet. the next day peter cuts his fingering again. the parrot says what a deep cut and peter takes the parrot and throws it in the toilet. suddenly a lady comes and she asks about the toilet and the parrot says something and a deep cut !! what a deep cut!

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a nun asks her mother: can I go to the disco tonight?! mother says: yes, but you know you can ask me anything. the next day the mother and the nun see each other again. the nun asks: what is asshole?! says the mother: that is a tie.non: what is horny; mother says: turning red.what is a whorehouse?! mother says: just like a nun's church like here.The nun asks can I go to the disco again tonight?! the mother says yes, but you know that you have everything to me the nun is asked to dance by a man. while dancing the nun says: your dick is hanging wrote. the man turns red. the nun says: you don't have to be so horny. the man says: where do you actually live ?! says the nun: in that whorehouse behind here.

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A man comes into a neighborhood cafe with a very pretty girl and an ostrich and orders a beer and a Coke. When the waiter brings the order, the man gives him 50 euros and when the waiter wants to give it back, the man says "never mind". The waiter, pleasantly surprised, goes behind the bar to check whether this is not counterfeit money, but no, that turns out to be okay. The following week the man reappears with a very pretty girl and his ostrich and the scenario repeats itself: a beer and a coke, he pays with 50 euros and "never mind". The waiter is bursting with curiosity and asks the man: "Sir, you have won the big lottery ticket, have you?" "No, this one laughs, not at all ... Actually, I stamp but I pick up attics here and there and sell them at flea markets or make ends meet. But a month ago I found a few copper lamps in an attic. I'm cleaning it up at home and ... a ghost comes out and says ":" You can make three wishes of me ". You can see that from here my first wish: my pockets always full of money, my second wish: every week and a different sweetheart, but that last wish is actually a mistake of that mind because I had actually asked a stiff bird ... "

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Jantje is in bed and hears a strange noise. The sound comes from the room of his mother, who has been a widow for two years. He walks quietly to the bedroom door and peers through the keyhole. Jantje sees his mother lying naked on the bed. She waves her arms violently and shouts, "I want a man, I want a man ..." That goes on for several nights. However, on a certain night the sound is completely different. Jantje decides to go and have a look again. This time he sees his mother lying naked on the bed with a naked man. Jantje, startled, walks to his room. He slams the door, takes off his pajamas, lies down naked on his bed, waves his arms violently and shouts, "I want a bicycle, I want a bicycle ..."

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A man is sitting quietly at the breakfast table, reading the newspaper, when his wife suddenly comes up behind him and hits him on the head with a pan. “What was that for now?” He asks, rubbing his head. “That was for that piece of paper in the pocket of your pants with the name Marylou on!” She replies. "But honey!" He says timidly, "two weeks ago I went to the racecourse with Bob and Peter and Marylou was the name of the horse we bet on!". She agrees with his explanation, feels quite stupid and apologizes. Three days later he is sitting there quietly reading his newspaper again, when his wife comes up behind him and gives him a tremendous blow on the back of the head with an even bigger pan. The man's head ends up in his plate of cornflakes and he remains unconscious there for a while. A few moments later he wakes up again, serious headache, blood seeps from his head. "What was that for now?" He asks, trying to orient himself and sit still in his chair. "DOES", she exclaims, "YOUR HORSE HAS CALLED!"

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A man was quite fond of the females. The problem was that he was made quite big (about 40 cm) and that this turned out to be quite painful for his lovers when penetrated. One of these ladies therefore suggested to do something about that problem. So that man goes to the doctor. "Yes man"; says the doctor, after studying that long case. "Medically speaking, we can do something about it. We can shorten your penis by means of an operation, but that is extremely painful and there is a high risk of infection. There is, however, an alternative. Look, a witch lives outside the city. Visit her and pay her 50 euros She will show you a chicken You must propose to this chicken Every time you propose to her she will answer "no" Every time she answers "no" your penis will be 5 cm short. " Overjoyed with the doctor's advice, the man goes to see the witch. He does indeed pay her the 50 euros, after which the witch takes him to the chicken. "Will you marry me?" the man asks the chicken. "No!" answers the chicken and hopla, the dick of mister surely is 5 cm short in that! Still a solid 35 cm remains. Still too much, the man thinks, so he proposes to the hen again. "No!" the chicken says again and hopla, still 5 cm away from the pole! 30 cm is still too long, the man thinks, so again he proposes to the chicken. "No!" Says the chicken and again the man's tool shrinks 5 cm to 25 cm Damn, the man thinks, that sounds more like it, but I would still like to have 20 cm. Certainly is certain. So he proposes to the hen again. "How many more times do I have to answer you now? Maybe you don't understand Kips?" Says the chicken. "I said," No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ...... !!! "

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A newly married couple is having breakfast in the morning after the first wedding night. After a while the lady says, "Honey, I've been hiding something from you for two years and now I have to get it off my heart." "Is it bad?" the husband asks. "Not at all" says the woman. "Because I am color blind" The man replies: "But honey, that's not a problem. To be honest, I also kept quiet from you." To which the lady asks: "Is it bad?" "No" says the man. "But I have always said that I am from Zelzate, but in fact I am from Zaire!"

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A Bouvier and a Shepherd are in the vet's waiting room.

The crook asks the shepherd what he comes for. "I'll tell you that",

says the shepherd dog. "" Yesterday the neighbour's cat walked through our garden, I couldn't control myself and bit her to death. "" Now I get my deserved wages, a syringe. "" How terrible ", says the crook . " The shepherd asks, "But what have you come here to do?" "Well", says the crook: "Yesterday my mommy was taking a shower, she dropped the soap and bent down." "I couldn't hold back either. I jumped her from behind." "Well" says the shepherd, "then you will get a shot too." "No" says the crook, "I'm here to trim my nails."

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A Belgian, a Dutchman, a woman-in-law and a nun are in a train compartment.

Suddenly the train enters a tunnel and the light does not work. It is pitch dark.

Then there is a loud chatter, and when the train comes out of the tunnel again, the Dutchman is rubbing his face painfully. Nobody says anything and they look at each other in silence. "Goddamn it" thinks the nun, "of course the Dutchman tried to catch that lady, and she didn't want that and hit him!"

"Tedju" thinks the woman-in-law, "of course the Dutchman wanted to catch me in the dark. But he accidentally caught that nun, he didn't want that and hit him!"

"Potjandoriegretverjoris" thinks the Dutchman, "the Belgian has of course tried to catch that nice girl, has accidentally caught that nun, he did not want that and tried to hit him. But the Belgian realized that and he bowed down, so I got the whack! "

While the Belgian thinks: "In the next tunnel I will hit the Dutchman again!

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There are three cats drinking themselves to death at the bar, because they have no work anymore: 1st cat: I would like to work at Stabilac: milk in the morning, milk in the afternoon, milk in the evening. 2nd cat: I would rather work at Whiskas: Whiskas in the morning, Whiskas in the afternoon, Whiskas in the evening. 3rd cat: I want to work at Jupiler ... The other 2 cats: What do you mean, Jupiler? 3rd female: Well, ne male in the morning, ne male in the afternoon and ne male in the evening

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Four bishops are in a car and are involved in a terrible traffic accident. All four bishops die. A little later they are standing in front of the gate of heaven with Peter. "Have you sinned yet?" Peter asks the first bishop? The first bishop: "I jerked off the Pope once." "Well, that can be forgiven. Just run your hand through that container of holy water once and you can go to heaven." Peter asks the same of the second. "I've jerked off the Pope twice." he says. "You too, just run your hand through that container of holy water." says Peter. Suddenly the fourth bishop comes in front and enters the holy water with his head. "Why are you insisting?" asks Peter. "I would like to rinse my mouth first before the third one gets his ass in it."

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The teacher asked the students, "How long can a person stay awake?"

A first student answers: '48 hours 'A second student answers: '72 hours'

As the third answer Jantje, he says determinedly: 'three weeks minus fifteen minutes'

The teacher thinks this is an unusual answer and asks Jantje for an explanation, to which Jantje says: 'Well, yesterday our mama said to our papa; "Come on, honey, we're going to sleep 15 minutes earlier today, because it's been three weeks!"

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A farmer is in the field with his servant when he sinks up to his ankles in the mud. "Go get my boots", says the farmer. When the servant is at the farm, he meets the two gorgeous daughters of the farmer. "Hey, what are you doing here?" The girls ask. "The farmer lets me sleep with both of you," he says. "We don't believe it," say the girls. "" Oh no? Just wait then I ask him, "says the servant. And he shouts loudly to the farmer in the field:" Should I get one or two now? "Farmer shouts back:" Both of course !!! "

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Two rabbits and a hedgehog sit on the side of the road at night.

Asks the hedgehog, "How come? You always see flattened hedgehogs on the road, but never a flattened rabbit." "I'll explain that to you," says the rabbit. "" We have a good method. When we cross the road and we see two large headlights approaching, we sit exactly in the middle.

When the headlights are close, we stoop, and then we can just walk on again. But I'll show you. ”The rabbit walks up the road.

Two headlights are coming. The rabbit sits in the middle, crouches, and comes back a little while later. "You see. Nothing." "I want to try that too," says the hedgehog. The hedgehog walks up the road. Two headlights come on, and the hedgehog sits right in the middle. He stoops ... and is finally run over. One rabbit says to another: "You don't see that often anymore, hey, such a tricycle ..."

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Rudy and Jacqueline don't want to talk openly about sex with their four and six-year-old children. That is why they agree on a secret language. One day Rudy says to daughter Katja: "Tell your mother I want to type a letter." Katja visits her mother and says: "Mom, daddy wants to type a letter." Jacqueline responds a bit sheepishly: "Just say that you can't, because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." Katja delivers the message to her disappointed father. A few days later, Jacqueline remembers Rudy's comment. She says to her daughter, "Tell your father the typewriter is back in order." She does as she is told and Rudy replies: "Tell your mother that it is not necessary anymore. I have already written the letter by hand!"

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A man and a woman are making out hard. Suddenly he asks:
"Honey, when is your husband coming home? I wouldn't like to see him in
fall. He's my best friend..."
"Don't worry," she says, "he certainly won't be coming for the first hour
home "
The phone rings.
She answers and says:
"Hello dear ... ok dear ... no problem dear ... see you later dear ..."
Then she says to her lover:
"It was my husband. We have an extra hour."
"Ah yes? How is that?"
"He said he's playing cards with you ..."

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The postman has been coming to the Wuyts family for a cup of coffee during his round for 20 years.

One morning he rang the bell but no one came to answer.
The neighbor was busy in the garden and had noticed this.
Neighbor: they will still sleep, they have their 25th wedding anniversary yesterday
celebrated.
Postman: Well thanks, I've been coming here for 20 years and wasn't even invited.
Neighbor: at 11 o'clock it was pleasant, the women had to take off their blouses

and the men had to feel who their wives were.
Postman: and don't invite me, thank you!
Neighbor: at 1 o'clock it was even more fun,

the men had to drop their pants and the women had to say,

who they thought it was.
Postman: Damn, they couldn't invite me now.
Neighbor: you were not invited, but your name is often mentioned!

You are amazed at that

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One couple had two-year-old twins.

But one could talk and the other couldn't at all. They had already tried everything.

Finally the father decided to go to Lourdes with the child.

Once there, he immersed the child in consecrated water.

The child came up sputtering and suddenly screamed, "You stupid bastard!"

The father pushed it under again and the child shouted again, "You stupid bastard!"

The father was in the 7th heaven, called mother at home and told that the child had shouted "Stupid bastard".

"You are!" said the mother ... "You brought the wrong one!"

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One affair is not the other

A woman had a secret affair while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her lover when she suddenly heard her husband's car coming into the driveway.
O my God, hurry!
Grab your clothes, she called to her lover, and jump out the window, my husband comes home.
Her lover said yes, but I can't jump out the window, it's raining!
Oh, that rain is your least concern! If it sees both of us, it will kill us!
So he grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window and started running.
While running, he soon discovered that he had ended up in the middle of the annual city marathon.
So he decided to run among 300 others.
He was still naked, with his clothes under his arm. After a while, a marathon runner came running next to him and asked, Do you always run naked?
The man: yes, it feels great, you can feel the air blowing past your skin while running.
Another marathon runner came running next to him and asked:
Do you always wear your clothes under your arm while running?
The man: Yes, I can get dressed immediately at the end of the marathon and drive home in my car.
Then a third marathoner came running alongside him and asked:
Do you always wear a condom when you run?
The man: only when it rains.

Those fathers and those nuns, isn't it?

A father and a nun go for a walk.
Suddenly the father has to do pee.

Does the nun ask: "Oh, Father, may I feel that"?
The father looks around and sees no one and says: "But yes ... go ahead".

The bum feels and says: "Oh Father that is soft and so warm, and it is so long" ...

to which the father says: "Yes, that is a penis".

Half an hour later, the bumblebee also has to make a sanitary stop.

The father, not even from yesterday, comes up behind her and asks: "May I feel it now too"? That is allowed ....

The father feels and says: "oh so warm, so soft, but that is also long ... do you also have a penis"?

To which the nun says: "But no, silly ... I'm shitting"!

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A woman of about 75 years old drives her brand new one
Ferrari on the E40 at about 35 km / h. A GTI of the Rijkswacht notes
this up and start the arduous chase. The Ferrari is stopped
and a cop gets out, approaches the car and asks for the window to
downstairs.

The cop, who sees that it is an elderly lady, asks: 'Madam,
you are driving here on a motorway and the minimum speed is 70 km / h here ... '

Madam: 'Ahzo, jamaja, I see a placard with' E40 'on it
so I thought I was only allowed 40 here ... "Flik:" Nenieje madammeken, ge
must drive at least 70 here. '

Next to the old lady sits an old guy who shivers like one
newborn foal ...
The cop apparently amused by the situation says:
"What's wrong, sir, is it going too fast for you?"

Old man: "Please shut up, we just came from E314 !!"

In a nursing home they go for a walk with the guests every two days.
Unfortunately, there is also a blind man and a man without legs in the group.
These two become friends.
One day the blind man says to the man without legs: "If you want, we can also go for a walk."

"Ha yes?" says the disabled person, "How?"
"Well, if you sit on my neck, the fact that you have no legs ensures that you don't weigh too much.
If I carry you and you look for me, then we can go on the walk. "
And the next day they left with the group.
The cripple commanded the blind in a perfect way until one moment the blind said to the cripple:

"Well, I think we're standing here in front of a café."
"Da is just," says the cripple, "how did you know?"
"I smell the beer, the blind man says."

"Ah yes," says the cripple.

"Well," says the blind man a few blocks away, "now I'm standing in front of a baker."
"Da is just," says the cripple, "do you smell da too?"

"Yes!" Says the blind man.
And a few streets further the blind man says: "Well now I'm standing in front of a cabardouchke them."
"Da is just," says the cripple,

"Ma da you can't smell right now, isn't it young?"
"No," says the blind man, "I can feel it on my neck."

Two hookers are catching up a few days before Sinterklaas.

One whore suddenly asks the other: What are you asking Sinterklaas this year?

The other says, "I think my normal price ..."

Found condom

Two toddlers of 4 years old are talking on the playground.
One girl says:
"I found a condom on the railing yesterday."
"What is a 'balustrade'?" Asks the other.

Chocolate milk and Viagra

A man comes to visit his 84-year-old father in the retirement home.
While there, he notes.
that a nurse brings him a cup of hot chocolate and a viagra pill.
The man is astonished and asks:
"Why are you giving him that ???"
The nurse explains:
"The chocolate will make him fall asleep more easily."
"And the Viagra?" the man asks.
"Oh, that's so he wouldn't roll out of bed!" she replies.

Nice clitoris

A dumb blonde is sunbathing naked in her garden.
The neighbor, who is working in his garden, sees her lying there and says:
"You have a nice clitoris there."
To which she replies:
"I don't know, my husband takes care of the garden !!"

Bank robbery, a good one

A woman, pregnant with triplets, stands in the sofa in front of the counter.
Suddenly three armed men storm into the bank and shoot around wildly.
The woman is hit by three bullets in the abdomen. Bring it in haste
she takes her to the hospital where she will be operated immediately. Back at
consciousness she asks the doctor how her 3 children are.

The doctor says everything is fine.
They each have a bullet in their body but they will
later by the natural way.
And indeed the triplets are born healthy, two girls and a boy ...
Twelve years later, the first daughter comes hysterically to her mother
crawled, says she peed and there is a bullet in the toilet.
Whereupon the mother tells her the whole story.
A few weeks later, the second daughter is equally upset with mother, whereupon she tells the same story to her mother.
She is in a panic, but her mother explains the whole situation again, after which she is reassured.
A year later the son arrives excited and panicked at mother's
to which mother says: "I know what happened boy, you went to pee and there was a bullet in the toilet".
To which the boy replies: "No mama, much worse!"
"I WAS MASTRUBING AND I KILLED THE CAT !!"

Nonnekes

Mother Superior does her morning rounds;

-Good morning Sister Therese, hope everything is well with you,

- yes, Mother Superior, but you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!

Mother Superior thinks this is a strange remark, but continues her round.

-Good morning, Sister Helena, are you all right?

- Yes, Mother Superior, but you got up exactly on the wrong side of the bed?

After wishing ten sisters good morning with the same answer as a result, she finally asks Sister Brigitte:

- be honest sister, did I get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?

- yes, Mother Superior, you have put on Father Roger's sluts

First listen and then .......

Jantje sees daddy's car pass, towards the forest.

Curious as he is, he follows the car and sees his

Daddy is at the wheel and Auntie Marieke is sitting next to it.

A little further, the daddy parks the car and then starts with

aunt Marieke a passionate scene.

Jantje rushes home to tell mom everything

When he got home he started to tell, almost out of breath:

"Mommy, Mommy, I was in the parks saw papa ......"

The mama interrupts him and says: "Johnny, calm down boy.

Tell it at your leisure. "

"Well," says Jantje, "I was in the park and I have daddy there

seen with aunt Marieke ".

Daddy gave Auntie Marieke a big kiss, and then Auntie has

Marieke our daddy took off his pants ... "

"Wait a minute", the mama interrupts, "wait for the whole thing

story until tonight, when the three of us sit at the table.

I wonder what the daddy is going to answer.

No sooner said than done. In the evening at the evening meal Jantje starts

again to his story ... the car in the woods ... the big kiss ... the

daddy's pants go off ... "

"And then", the mama asks, "what happened then?"

"Well", says Jantje, "then daddy and auntie have Marieke

done the same as what mama and uncle Dirk used to do every week,

when our daddy was still in the army ... "

THE MORAL OF THE STORY :

Listen to your children before interrupting them! !

Two buttocks

Two buttocks have been hanging next to each other for 50 years.

One butt says to another:
'We have been hanging side by side for 50 years.
Why aren't we married yet? '

The other says: 'No, I'm not going to start that.
We're already breaking up for every fart.

Bad Memory

Werner is queuing at the checkout in the supermarket with a pretty blonde behind him.
When he turns around, she smiles at him and raises her hand in greeting.

He is surprised and asks her if she knows him from somewhere.

She silently says to him: “Werner, you are the father
of one of my children '.

Werner is shocked by her announcement and
immediately starts to think deeply.

Suddenly, long ago, he remembers the first and the only time he was strange
gone.

He asks the blonde: 'Are you that blonde that one
I took it on the billiard table on my stag night while already
my buddies were cheering and your girlfriend thrashed me with a
wet mop and meanwhile another cucumber up my ass
pushed?

To which the blonde replies, startled: 'Werner, me
I'm just your son's Dutch teacher '

Priests among themselves ...

An elderly priest has a younger colleague visiting.
During dinner, the young priest notices the graceful figure of the housekeeper.
He does not know what to imagine about the older priest's relationship with his housekeeper.
The old priest notices the look in the young priest's eyes and assures him that there is nothing going on between him and his housekeeper

A week later, the housekeeper notices that a sauce spoon has been missing for a week.
The older priest wrote a letter to his young colleague:
"I'm not saying you brought the sauce ladle with you,
but I'm not saying you didn't take him with you either;
the fact is that it has been missing for a week now.

A few days later, the elder priest receives an answer:
"I'm not saying you sleep with your housekeeper,
and I'm not saying you don't sleep with her either
but the fact is that if you slept in your own bed,
you would have found it by now.

On a crowded bus !!!

People are squeezed together in the overcrowded bus, there are steps at each one
stop more people than get off.
Louis is also in there, and happens to be opposed to it with his front party
butt of a beautiful girl.

She suddenly asks him: "Is it da wattak think that you are pushing against me ...?"
Says the Louis: ”Hell, hell, no no, that's a rolleke Euro coins da
is in my pocket: I where in the Bank and have just received my pree ”
She says: “Wow, then between the last 2 stops you had ne serious people
got whack!

New neighbors across the street, very nice ///////////////

The new neighbors across the street, an elderly couple, still seem to care deeply about each other, not to say they can't keep their hands off each other.
Every time when you come home it is price.
Even before they are well and truly inside, that man is already grabbing that woman under the skirts, in full view of the street.

One day they are approached by one of the neighbors.
Whether from now on they could show up the decency to indulge their lusts indoors, instead of in public, in front of the neighborhood children.

"Oh, but you got that all wrong," said that man.
"It's not what it seems."
"Oh no? What is it then?"

"I'll tell you. My wife has a wooden leg, with a nail just above the knee. And our house key hangs on it" !!!!!!!

Mr. Pastor Goes On A Trip !!!

Father wins a trip to Switzerland for two people, and asks Mother Superior along.
Once there, all hotels are fully booked except one, where the bridal suite is still available.
- "Ah no," says Mother Superior, "I have taken the vow of chastity and am not allowed to sleep with a man."
"Either we sleep in the bridal suite, or you just stay here all night," says Father.

She then agrees and they go to the room.

Once there, Mother Superior flies to the window,
She opens the window and takes a handful of snow, pulls up her skirt and smears the snow between her legs.
- "What are you doing now?" Father asks.
- "I'm freezing my virginity," says Mother Superior.

Whereupon the priest lowers his trousers and turns his paternoster around his piet.

"But Father, what are you doing now?" Mother Superior asks.
- 'Well', says Father, 'I am putting on my snow chains!

Male or female potatoes

A lady comes to a farmer with her car and asks for 25 kg of fries.
The farmer asks "Male or female, madammeke?"
"How, male or female fries?"
"Yes madam, am I still going to know? Male or female ???"
The lady, completely taken aback and curious ... "Well, give me female ones!"
The farmer goes to the stable, returns with a bag of potatoes, and empties the bag into the lady's trunk ...
"Well, what were you doing now? Why are you pouring it so loose in the trunk?"
"Well madam, you asked for female fries, so without bag huh ................................."

Unknown Track - Unknown Artist

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Unknown Track - Unknown Artist

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22-09-2017

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